REKINDLING DESIRE AS A COUPLE
A plan based on sensate focus: first each person gets to know themselves, then the couple rediscovers touch with no goal of intercourse or orgasm, and finally the habit is consolidated. The pace is set by whoever needs to go more slowly.
- 6 weeks
- 5 steps
Who it's for: Couples with low desire, a desire discrepancy or outcome-focused sexuality.
Before you start (optional)
Each of you takes the test “Your desire map”: it gives you words to talk about your desire and, if you are in therapy, a sheet to discuss. Your answers stay on your phone.
- Self-exploration wheel
Step 1 · Getting to know yourselves separately
Two or three sessions this week, each person on their own and in private, with no genitals and a focus on sensations.
Mild · No genital areas
When to move onMove on when you have both done at least two sessions comfortably; if not, repeat it for another week.
- Massage roulette
Step 2 · Touch without breasts or genitals
Three times this week, taking turns at giving and receiving, with no breasts or genitals. During this stage and the next you agree not to have intercourse.
Mild · No points · Sensate focus I: no breasts or genitals
When to move onMove on when you both rate your comfort at 3 or above; if either of you rates it below 3, repeat this step.
- Massage roulette
Step 3 · Touch including breasts
Three times this week, including the breasts and keeping the agreement not to have intercourse. The receiving partner guides with words or with their hand.
Spicy · No points · Sensate focus II: breasts included, no genitals
When to move onMove on when you both rate your comfort at 3 or above; if not, repeat this step or go back to the previous stage.
- Massage roulette
Step 4 · Genital touch without aiming for orgasm
Two or three times this week, including the genital area without aiming for orgasm: the goal is to notice, not to get anywhere.
Spicy · No points · Sensate focus III: genitals included, without aiming for orgasm
When to move onMove on when genital touch feels free of pressure; if anxiety appears or comfort drops below 3, repeat this step.
- 30-day challenge
Step 5 · Consolidating the habit
One challenge a day for the last two weeks (and, if you like, until you complete all 30 days), with the daily pulse from 1 to 5. Skipping a day is allowed.
Mild
When to move onReview the pulse in your session; if several days in a row stay below 3, go back to the stage 2 massages.
Are you in therapy?
Your therapist can assign this plan to you step by step, with a link that carries none of your data.
Information for professionals →
These games are not a substitute for therapy.
Reviewed by Rocío MoñinoPsychologist and sexologist
Frequently asked questions
Do we need to be in therapy to follow the plan?
No. You can follow it on your own, at your own pace. If a conflict is holding you back or something is hurting you, a sex therapist or couples psychologist can support you, and the plan works as a tool for them too.
Is anything we do saved?
Only on your device: which steps you have ticked off and, if you want, your reflections. Nothing reaches ViveLaVita, and one button deletes it all.
What if a step doesn't work or makes us uncomfortable?
Repeat it calmly, go back to the previous one or leave it. Every step can be skipped, and a “no” is always enough. Each step tells you when to move on.
